Hello all! I hope everybody’s happy and healthy and whatnot. Glad to see that the books have been moving pretty well. I got a new like on my public author’s page on Facebook the other day so that was cool. So let’s get down to it, right?
So good news is that I’m about done with the third chapter of the new book. It’s going to be a little while before it’s done but I’m getting on with it as fast as I can. I won’t go into details too much but suffice to say that the my characters are now well and truly getting caught up in a revolt against the noble in charge of the city they live in. They didn’t even want to get involved and they don’t quite understand what’s happening but right about now the residents of Jonna are sort of having their own version of the storming of the Bastille during The French Revolution.
So for those of you who did not pay attention in High School basically on 14 July 1789 a bunch of people in Paris had gotten all freaked out a couple days before because a popular minister named Jacques Necker had gotten fired by King Louis the Sixteenth. Hoping to have troops beat the news from Versailles (Louis’ uber swanky palace outside the city) to Paris to put a stop to any potential riots (rioting was practically the national sport in late 18th century France) before they could get going, King Louis sent in a bunch of his crack troops to Paris to add to the thousands already tromping around the place because what’s the worse that can happen, right?.
However the news beat the troops there…because of course it did. So when the crowds already upset over the financial wizard who was going to fix the country’s abysmal bank books getting fired saw armed troops marching towards them? Yeah. Things went from bad to worse to OH HOLY SHIT RUN FOR IT!!
The army units defected and started fighting with the rioters against these German mercenaries who were trying to…you know…stop lighting everything on fire. The rioters looted every scrap of food and weapons that they could find and pretty quickly realized that all the gunpowder they needed to actually shoot anything had been stashed in the Bastille.
So rioters went over to the gigantic death star/prison and knocked on the door to ask if they could borrow a cup of gunpowder. And by knock I mean with a battering ram. They laid siege to the prison and after 98 rioters and 1 soldier were dead they broke in and freed these seven old guys (4 forgers, 2 lunatics and a ‘deviant’, not the hordes of political prisoners they were expecting) and took the gunpowder. A little later they pulled the place down stone by stone because screw that place.
Also when looking into various notable nobles from history to base this jerkface in charge of the city on I found a guy that may fit the bill. Or at least partly anyways. Cesare Borgia. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that a lot of you out there aren’t up on the doings of the bastard (literally and figuratively) son of a 15th century pope but seriously check this dude out.
Being the second son of Cardinal Rodrigo Borgia, Cesare was pretty much shoehorned into joining the clergy. He eventually became a cardinal himself in 1493 after his father became Pope Alexander VI. However Cesare seems to have pretty much thought that, while the red hats and such were pretty cool, being a member of the clergy was not nearly as awesome as stomping everybody who opposed him in the nuts on the battlefield until they barfed.
So when Cesare’s brother Juan….conveniently…yeah, that’s it…conveniently dropped dead of several stab wounds to the chest Cesare resigned as cardinal (the first person to ever do that) and took over as Captain General of the Papal Guard. Once in charge he proved himself to be a pretty adept squisher of testicles through a combination of crazy over the top ultra-violence and trickery. Apparently he also hung out with the likes of Niccolo Machiavelli and had certified supergenius Leonardo Da Vinci working as his Inspector of Fortresses and Maker Of Awesome Shit To Fuck Everybody Up With for a couple years.
Fun story: Cesare apparently took the city of Urbino with only ten men. Knowing that the Duke of Urbino had more men than he did Cesare approached the city and asked to talk with him. When the Duke reached out to shake Cesare’s hand Cesare pounced on him, put his dagger to the man’s throat and demanded he surrender his city assuring the Duke that he had ten thousand men just out of sight over the next rise. The Duke surrendered the city to Cesare without a shot being fired.
Not so fun story: like any megalomaniac tack chewing 15th century hardass Cesare could get…creative…with his punishments. When he found out that a governor of a city he’d conquered was spending tax money on fancy houses and lavish gifts for friends instead of making life not so sucky for the peasants Cesare went to go see what was up. When the governor flat out lied to his face about where the taxes were being spent Cesare had the man arrested and locked in his own treasury until he starved to death.
Here’s something else that I found interesting. Apparently every time you see a picture of Jesus Christ you’re actually looking into the face of Cesare Borgia.
Strange that the model for The Prince of Peace is a guy who was rumored to have murdered his brother, slept with his sister and violently reduced a great many people to their component parts with cannons, poleaxes, swords and dead cats (though the cats were alive when he started)..
Anyways, that’s all I got for right now. Please follow the links at the top of the page to get to my author’s pages on Facebook and Amazon. If you like my stuff please take a moment to write a quick review on the Amazon page. I tend to do more quick update things on the Facebook page plus I’ll put up little things I stumble across that I find amusing.
Thanks and have a nice day!